she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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