a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
