She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
