her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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