My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
