After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
