At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
