we have pet lesbian snakes
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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