I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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