I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
