is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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