This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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