last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Everclear isn't food dammit
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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