I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
