i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
