Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
