I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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