I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
