You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
