Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
