he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
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