Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
