mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
