For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
