My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
