Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
