I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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