Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
