she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
