i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
