I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
