it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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