i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
