Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
