I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
