I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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