im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
