Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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