there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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