So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
