What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
