u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
