i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
