I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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