we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Text me some of your sweat
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
