Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
