Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
