we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
