I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
false alarm, still single
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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