I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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