I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
