I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
