My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
