We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
There r osticjed everywhere
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize