i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
