Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
