Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
