y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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