yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
