I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize