She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
