last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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