so let's talk penis.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
