After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
