Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
