I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
