dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
