wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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