remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So squirting runs in the family.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
