She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize